During my daily blog-walking, I've read a lot of insight, personal views, opinions and words of encouragement of the Holy Month of Ramadhan. However, among many of those, THIS bits of personal thoughts moved my heart. It says all I wanted to say but never find the courage to do so. I had this so much things going on in mind but failed to put into words so it will came out beneficial for myself and others. At certain points, I felt that the article was meant for me.

As far as I can recall, after my high school, I never really appreciates Ramadhan the correct way, the righteous way as demanded by Him. I've spent too much of my time and energy focusing on other duniawi stuffs that I saw so many Ramadhans passed by just like that and never really try to deemed as many rewards as I can.

Tawawih ? ohh I can really came up with so many excuses. Too tired from work. Caught in jammed so barely made it home for breakfast, left alone tarawih. Kids too small and too hassle to bring them. Need to wakes up early for sahur and work, so need to sleep early and bla bla bla... I, my friends, are the master of excuses.

Qiamul lail ? Same as above.. * bangs head on walls*

Baca Quran ? Again, same as above..

Simply put, I used to got caught up with my daily routines, itching over baju raya, langsir raya, kueh raya, worried If I ever made it to Bazar Ramadhan, I forgot the most important things of my being, my purpose. To serve Him, To Obey Him and nothing else.

So.. who am I to questioned Him why things doesn't go my way? Why things didn't go as planned? Why I'm like this and why I'm like that?

When I decided to resigned from work and followed my husband here, I personally thought it was for the betterment of our family. I thought I made some sacrifices for the sake of my kids. I had peoples came to me and say how I could simply gave up my 6 years of position just like that. Don't I feel somewhat regret since after my husband contract's ended, I need to start all over if I ever want to work again. Honestly, I really have no idea of how to answer to all those questions.

Anyhow, now I can say that I know the answer. I don't have regrets, not even tiniest bits for my decision. I actually am glad. I realized now, that He gave me opportunity to self reflect on myself and improved my many lacking. He, the Almighty still have some mercy on me for He gave me this opportunity to remorse and repent. I used to think that I surrendered my job for my family. I was wrong ! I was actually resigned from my work for me, for myself. I just need this "space" for me and I really felt I am on the right track.

This Ramadhan,

I have so many things I've tasked myself, so many things I targeted for myself, I felt that one month is not enough. May Allah help me and make my way easier and smoother this months and months onwards. May we were given the strength to redeemed all the goodness this month have to offer.

This Ramadhan,

I wish to not "pause" and resume my bad habits like my previous Ramadhan were but was hoping for permanent changes Insya Allah.

This Ramadhan,

I hope I can develop self-restraint to every part of my body, not only my stomach.

I hope to restrain my tongue from backbiting and gossiping.

I hope to not touch something that doesn't belong to me.

I hope that my eyes don't see anything that's unlawful.

I hope to restraint my mouth from saying obscene words and restraint my ear from listening obscene words.

I hope to shape up my personality and purify my heart so it will leads my words and my actions to a correct and righteous way.

I also hope to be able to re-evaluate my personal lives under principles of Islam.

And I hope I was given enough courage and strength to make peace with anyone in my life no matter I wronged them or they wronged me.

As you can see, there's a lot of hopes we're talking about here.


Above all, I do pray that I came out a better person once Ramadhan's departure.

Amin !